Goopy Gwyneth, Olé!

Gwyneth has become enamored of another Euro-culture. One of those like, old ones, she thinks...

Gwyneth Paltrow Says Spain Changed Her Life

"It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it's from 500 B.C., it's incredible," she said.

Really?! Years and years and years old! Actually in 500 B.C. (and I'm sure you meant B.C.E. you insensitive christocentric American!) Iberia was being colonized by Greeks. Pretty much everything they built is a bit "run down" now. And really Gwen, everything in the United States is about 17 years old? Ah yes, I remember back in 1990s when America opened and they built the Old North Church and Faneuil Hall, and it seems like just yesterday they laid the final brick for Independence Hall, and what a sight to see the helicopter raise the capstone for the Washington Monument up and into place...

What a ... well... I guess Goop is the right word after all.

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Your Tears Soothe Me, Mario...

Such sweet drama...

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Paltrow Seized With Stupidity

Gwyneth is worried. Apparently your shampoo will kill you and your children:

Gwyneth Paltrow has been branded ‘loopy’ by scientists after warning that products such as shampoo could be linked to cancer.

The actress and wife of Coldplay singer Chris Martin says she was ‘seized with fear’ after reading research about what she calls ‘environmental toxins’ – chemicals which are present in everyday items. [...]

She made the claims on her website goop.com, where she usually airs her views on her favourite restaurants and organic food recipes.

She said: "A couple of years ago I was asked to give a quote for a book concerning environmental toxins and their effects on our children. While reading up on the subject, I was seized with fear about what the research said. Foetuses, infants and toddlers are basically unable to metabolize toxins the way that adults are, and we are constantly filling our environments with chemicals that may or may not be safe."

Unfortunately not everyone (and by everyone I mean knowledgeable people) agree with her. Loopy Goopy Gwyneth's warnings are "rubbish" say scientists:

"It does annoy me when celebrities use their position to spout nonsense. They have a perfect right to their views, even if they are loopy, but they do hold a position of influence. You may as well ask someone on the Underground."

So said Dr. Hugh Pennington, emeritus professor of bacteriology at Aberdeen University.

Oh, and Gwyneth? Dear, if you plan to continue this affected "British-ness" with your speech and spelling at least be consistent. If you spell "fetus" as "foetus" - then spell "metabolize" as "metabolise". The expert conclusion? Don't drink your shampoo by the gallon (sorry - "litre") and you'll be fine, Gwyneth.

Shampoo - It Isn't A Beverage

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I'd Watch

Via Agent Bedhead

Hugh Jackman, the very cool actor whose name always sounds like the third line in a really filthy knock-knock joke, has dropped a few hints about his plans for MCing the Academy Awards this Sunday. No question, if he follows through with this then Jackman will deliver a dramatic change of pace from that Chris Rock disappointment a few years back:

CNN: The sexiest man alive” [is] going to be up there nude?
Jackman: Drunk and nude, yes. So that’s our new fresh approach. It’s the Australian way.

Let's face it, there's not much other reason to spend forty-eight hours of your life on what has become a boring celebutard spectacle of political posturing and meaningless self-congratulation that has little to do with its original purpose. I could do without the interpretive dance though, and I'm sure I don't want to hear Sean Penn sing a love song to his boyfriend-for-life Hugo...

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Lily Allen Can't Openly Be A Whore Anymore

Lily Allen Says Fame Keeps Her From Buying Contraception

"People say you pay the price of fame. There are some things I just can't do anymore," she said.

"Like when I've had sex, I can't go to the sexual health clinic. I can't go to a shop to get condoms - just regular daily stuff that's gotten difficult."

Just a procedural note, Lily - if you get the condoms first then you could probably skip the trip to the sexual health clinic. I'm sure there's a brochure you could pick up... oh wait...

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This Is Not A Bad Idea...

Brett Joshpe - writing at Big Hollywood - advocates putting an item back in the "stimulus" bill:

Until Republicans acted this week, the Senate was actually prepared to bestow hundreds of millions of dollars of stimulation for Hollywood. The “Hollywood clause” would have given movie studios special tax breaks and enabled them to depreciate the costs of production equipment at a quicker rate. Perhaps, however, Congress should consider reinserting that provision. Doing so would give us the perfect excuse to impose the types of compensation controls on the movie industry that President Obama is now demanding of other industries who receive federal help.

Unlike the greedy Wall Street executives though, who have torpedoed our economy by allowing federal bureaucrats to bludgeon them into making bad loans, Hollywood would surely understand the merit of pay caps. After all, it would enable the entertainment world to fulfill its pledge “to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.” (Cut for laughter and gagging and take two!)

Of course Ashton and Demi, and Cameron Diaz, and Julia Roberts, et. al. would have no problem agreeing to cap their salaries at $500,000 - or even lower if it would help The One! They would do that right? Right? Hey Ashton, just remember that if you take my money - then I get to come on the set and direct...

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