God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen - Jars of Clay - listen now

Sunday, November 20, 2005

YOU MIGHT BE MOONBAT (DEMOCRAT) IF:

Thanks to Scott-o-Rama for the idea, apologies for the blatant plagerizing...
YOU MIGHT BE A MOONBAT (DEMOCRAT) IF:

You think communism hasn’t been given a fair chance.

You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if the government would take more of hard-working people’s paychecks and give the money to the impoverished, while they sit on their butts and contribute nothing to the workforce.

You’ve ever referred to a black republican as an “Uncle Tom” or a “House Nigga.”

You think that just because Jesus had a beard and wore sandals he’d fit right in at Berkley.

You’re a pro-choicer who supports the right to kill babies through partial birth abortion, but you think monsters on death row are just misunderstood.

You believe federal judges are always right as long as you agree with them or if they’re on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals.

You think Howard Dean, not George Soros is in charge of the DNC.

You think morals are relative.

You’ve ever uttered the phrase, "Why can’t we just sit down and talk out our problems with al-Qaida."

You require your kids to read “Heather Has Two Mommies” but censor their access to Bible stories because they’re too violent and un-inclusive."

You firmly believe that the poor folks that got stuck in New Orleans didn’t have the good sense to come in out of the rain, were incapable of taking care of themselves and need the government to wipe their asses for them because they haven’t had a fair shake in life despite the billions and billions of tax dollars spent on them over the last 60 years.

You fail to see the common sense in Ann Coulter’s arguments because you get your feelings easily hurt – hey, you are a liberal after all.

You’ve argued that exhibits of piss and excrement or urinals hanging on a wall are art.

You argue that no one should be allowed to own guns knowing full well that criminals would still have full unfettered access to them.

You’ve ever said "terrorist, schmerrorist they’re still people!”

You’ve ever laid awake at night worrying about Global Warming and how it’s possible that humans have made the sun get hotter?

You’ve ever called Cindy Sheehan a patriot.

You have no idea what a 9 to 5 job is like.

You wonder if donations to the Chinese Communist Party are tax deductible.

You’re afraid of the blogosphere.

You’ve think that encouraging someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps is mean, but fighting for their right to live in a cardboard box over a heating grate is compassionate.

You think that if one person gets richer, he should be taxed until he’s as poor as you are or worse.

You believe that bigger profits don’t lead to more jobs, because you have no concept of what a profit really is since you probably don’t have a job.

You think that dictating other people’s life choices will make their life better.

You think the world would be a better place if Government planned the lives of all its citizens down to the smallest detail.

You think AIDS is a disease created by the military and tested on homosexuals.

You actually give a damn what the Europeans think (except the Pope).

You think everything Michael Moore says is true, but you can somehow ignore that he owns thousands of shares of Halliburton stock.

You think the New York Times isn’t biased.

You live in fear of the new media and Fox News, because liberal ideas can’t hold up under logical scrutiny.

You think that because Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice are conservatives they must be racist and self-loathing.

You think it would be bad if the rest of the world were more like America.

You don’t think elections mean anything, because unless your candidate wins 100% of the vote it must have been fixed.

You don’t understand the concept of majority rule – meaning 51% of the vote let’s you lead the way you see fit.

You don’t whine about taxes because you don’t pay any.

You think the mainstream media has standards.

You’ve seen Fahrenheit 9/11 about 1,000 times and you accept it as gospel without ever having read any criticism of it.

You start sentences with “I’m not a racist, but a black conservative must be a…”

You believe encouraging dependence on government handouts is a motivation for betterment.

You think Bill Clinton wasn’t one of America’s corrupt Presidents.

You refuse to believe that nature has more control over Global Warming than humankind ever could.

You believe all cultures are equal (except American culture which is always bad no matter what) no matter how many people they behead or how badly they treat women, gays, and other minorities

You are more concerned about the convenience of life than the sanctity of life.

You think the Koran, which you’ve never read, is a peaceful book because you saw a Public Broadcasting documentary that told you it was (suicide bombings not withstanding.)

You think that because America’s “founding fathers” were Christians, America is inherently evil.

You can’t understand why Christians make such a fuss about having their faith denigrated every time they turn around.

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